


Fleabags and Pranks

by ShianneUrami



Series: Homestuck Shipping World Cup 2014 [5]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M, Homestuck Shipping World Cup 2014, Humanstuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-24
Updated: 2014-05-24
Packaged: 2018-01-26 07:23:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,208
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1679732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShianneUrami/pseuds/ShianneUrami
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Remember when Roxy snuck 17 cats into Sollux's apartment, only to find out he was seriously allergic to them?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fleabags and Pranks

**Author's Note:**

> Fill for [this br1 prompt.](http://hs-worldcup.dreamwidth.org/18819.html?thread=3910275#cmt3910275)

There are 17 cats, all with collars with tags labeled 1 through 19. Roxy ‘accidentally’ neglected to remember to label 2 and 12. She hopes that given there are two missing, he’ll worry about where they could have gone even after he’s gone and rounded up all the little furballs. Great plan, brilliant plan.  
  
He’s on his computer in his room when Roxy starts letting them in. They’re old enough to not be stumbling around, but they’re noisy and get into things immediately, clawing their way up the couch and the curtains, tiny claws on tile floor. They’re all little black and white cutie pies and Sollux is going to have SO much fun with them.  
  
Sollux hates cats. Sollux hates most animals. They’re just something that depends on him and he hates that. Sollux also hates babies. Sollux is gonna hate Roxy after this too but not for her dependency.  
  
She sneaks into the bathroom to set up fort, locking the door and making sure nobody followed her in before she presses her ear to the door and waits.  
  
And she waits.  
  
They’re making a lot of squeaky high pitched meows, but Sollux has yet to notice. What the hell is he even doing? Shit, does he have his headphones in? Come on Captor, you’re ruining the prank! Roxy leans against the door, pouting.  
  
In the bedroom Sollux’s nose itches for some reason, and he rubs at it, then at his eyes, pushing his glasses up into his hair because they’re watering a little. What the hell? What even? He ignores it though, with a sniffle, going back to his work.  
  
A few minutes later he’s irritated enough with his nose still itching to get up from the computer to go get another cup of coffee. When his headphones are pulled off his ears he hears them. He hears them and stares at the wall, listening. Opening the door to the living room he stares at all the cats, all 17 of them running amuck in his little apartment.  
  
One skitters over his foot and into his bedroom and he leans over to snatch it up by the scruff of the neck, “Oh no you don’t you little furball. Not happening.” Dropping it back outside the door he shuts it quickly to try to keep them out of his room and he takes in the full realization that there are like a BILLION tiny cats running around.  
  
Cats he is unaware he is allergic to.  
  
A loud sigh before he attempts to cross to the kitchen, tiptoeing through them like a minefield. Sollux realizes halfway to the kitchen that if any of them shit in his house, he’s going to skin them all alive. Along with whoever put them here.  
  
Standing in the middle of the living room with his empty coffee cup in hand they skitter over his feet and one of them starts to scale his pantleg, pulling a rather undignified little screech from him, stumbling back a step and thankfully not stepping on anybody. He plucks it off his jeans with a sour look, staring at the little mongrel. Little black face with white spots above it’s eyes. Gross.  
  
A snicker made him turn around, cat still in hand before a sneeze brews behind his eyes, letting go of it into his elbow.  
  
Roxy opens the bathroom door and waggles her fingers at him and he has half a mind to fling the cat he has in hand at her. But he doesn’t. Because that would be animal cruelty. And that’d be wrong.  
  
“You! Get these vomit rockets and shit squirters out of my apartment, Roxy!”  
  
“Eew, could you have come up with anythin’ any grosser? You’re SO gross!” Roxy snickers, “Your nose is runnin’ off your face, yo.”  
  
Sollux puts a hand up to wipe the snot away on his sleeve, because he really doesn’t care. There is not a caring bone in his gross body. Another sneeze rips itself from him suddenly and Roxy’s brows knit despite the smile, “What’s your problem Captor? You ain’t allergic, are you?”  
  
“No! I… my nose is just runny. Can we get these mongrels out of my house before they shit on my furniture? I’m gonna make you lick up all their fucking messes if they do because this is YOUR fault.”  
  
A shriek of laughter, “Eeeeewww!”  
  
Another cat tries to scale his pants, digging it’s claws in through his jeans and he growls, though it’s kind of a pathetic half whine, “Roooooxyyy!”  
  
“Alright alright alright, wow your whinin’ is so totes heckin’ pathetic, stop!” There are three cat carriers set by the chair because even if she was being a brat about this she was gonna take them all back anyway. This was just a stop on her way to the shelter anyway.  
  
She scoops up a few of them on her way over, looking up at the taller guy, squinting up at him. Roxy gasps, “You ARE allergic, I knew it! Or, well, I totes called it. I didn’t know it. Shit man, how allergic are you? You’re not gonna croak on me, are you? Don’t let the pussy be your demise, Sollux.”  
  
Sollux pushes her face away, bending down to scoop up some of the other cats, “You are LITERALLY the worst,” he wheezes.  
  
“How come you never said before that you were allergic to these cute fleabags?”  
  
“Because I didn’t know. I’ve never been around cats. I don’t like cats. They’re lazy surly assholes.”  
  
“Heh, sounds familiar.”  
  
“Christ, get bent will you?” Sollux snaps over his shoulder, passing her a few cats, and unfortunately, he can’t even be bothered to look at their collars. Sadly that part of her brilliant plan is wasted by how much of a grump this kid is. What a party pooper.  
  
“So you’re a dog person?”  
  
“No, they’re energetic needy pissbabies. And the little ones are better used for footballs.”  
  
“Wow, do you like ANY animals?”  
  
“Probably not. I’m a rotten no good heartless douchebag, remember? I thought we went over this last week, Roxy.”  
  
“Oh right, I forgot, silly me right?” Roxy rolls her eyes, pushing on him.  
  
Sollux wipes at his eyes again with the back of his hand and they’re puffy and red and his nose is still running. She has reduced him to a pile of gross in a matter of twenty minutes of cat dander and squeaky meows.  
  
By the time she has them all packed away Sollux is wheezing on the couch, and thankfully it looks like there are no messes. Good work cattens, you’ve all managed to cause mayhem and pull off the prank successfully. And probably also nearly put Captor into anaphylactic shock. Can someone go into anaphylactic shock from cat allergies, Roxy wonders?  
  
“You gonna live over there or do I gotta take down last will and testament?”  
  
“You’d be on trial for murder if I had my way.”  
  
Roxy shares a laugh at his expense, and it’s less sharing since he’s not laughing, but from then on she remembers not to bring cats around.  
  
A week later she stands at the top of her stairs screeching about the dozen and a half dogs tearing through her house.


End file.
